I have a houseful of girls today: mine, plus two of their friends. I love it—they’re so busy. They are all headed out on a morel search right now; ED has already found and eaten a handful this morning.

Belly dancing resumed last night after a four week hiatus, and it was fun! I am working hard to overcome my Baptist upbringing; let’s just say dancing does not come naturally to me. (You know why Baptists frown on sex, don’t you? Because it can lead to dancing!) I find that I have pretty excellent flexibility, decent (and improving) strength, but my coordination leaves something to (ahem) be desired. However, our instructor did tell me I did a great job last night, so maybe I’m confused, and I’m actually gifted at dancing. Now that I think about it, that’s probably it.

I had a short, sweet visit with M* this morning when she brought J* up; as we head into the farming season, I’m afraid I’m going to see less and less of her. I’m a little sad about that; but at least we have the beach to look forward to at the end of the season.

Today is my dad’s birthday, my sister’s birthday, and my nephew’s birthday. Happy birthday, y’all! I’m glad you were all born!

And tonight is a birthday party for A*—it’ll be nice to see some girlfriends.

DH and the girls took off a little while ago to look for morels—no luck, but when they got back ED went down to the pasture and looked under a pine tree that she knew, and came back with a decent little handful. We sauteed them in expensive Devon butter, and divvied them up; afterwards we all sighed and wished for bucketsful.

It’s the loveliest spring day: soft and damp, and such a tender shade of green lighting the poplars and maples.

Ahhh—what a gorgeous day. The cherry tree by the big boulder is in full bloom, and was covered with a vibrating cloud of honey bees all day.

The girls and I worked on scraping the hide of the young buck goat we ate last July. We’ve had it stretching on a frame all winter, procrastinating scraping it. But it turned out not to be a bad job at all. Hard work (and we’re not quite finished), but kind of nice. Maybe we’ll finish tomorrow, and then we can work the brains that we’ve also saved all winter (in the freezer) into it.

Found a nest of eggs in the middle of the yard in the tall grass, and the girls played catch with them until they both finally broke. Nothing like a little country fun! And speaking of country fun, the girls set their alarms this morning and went for a long walk with the goats at, like, 6:30 am! Right now ED is trying to convince Bernard to sleep with her in the barn with the goats and Fionn. Bernard is understandably reluctant, so now ED is pushing for a pre-dawn walk tomorrow. I hope they’re quieter this time.

The girls got out of bed, took one look at this beautiful morning, and left. I hope they remember chores, though I guess there’s not much I can do about that, since they took the goats with them!

I had a sleepless, anxiety-ridden night last night; I just can’t see my way clear right now. That’s all I’m asking for: clarity. Should we get ourselves a mortgage now, during the worst real estate bubble this area has ever seen (and assuming a bank wouldn’t just laugh in our faces)? Should we wait and see if gas prices are going to put a dent in the tourism industry here? (I read today that vacation cabins in the Smokies are seeing a number of cancellations for October, with gas prices cited as the reason.) Sitting tight isn’t seeming like much of an option, what with our landlord and all (I expect to see the logging trucks coming up the driveway any day now); but we would certainly consider a different rental situation, or some other, more creative, situation. My head is swimming.

I think I’ll go for my walk, in hopes of clearing my poor, confused brain!

The kitchen table is covered with a motley assortment of eggs: various colored chicken eggs, a couple of small pink-tinted bantam eggs, half a dozen or so huge white goose eggs. The bottom of the fridge is completely filled with cartons, there are a couple of eggs sitting in a basket next to the stove, there are two cartons on the kitchen counter that didn’t fit in the refrigerator. Outside it’s like an Easter egg hunt: there were two lovely brown eggs in the doghouse yesterday, and the nesting boxes in the chicken house were loaded. Oh, and one under the jonquils in the rock garden. I feel so wealthy!

We’ve stopped taking the goose eggs. The two geese are cooperatively setting a rather huge clutch of eggs under the barn; they’ve drawn blood several times when ED has tried to check on them. The three ganders patrol back and forth in front of the barn, and woe be unto anybody who tries to cross the line. You have to be armed to go to the barn these days (a stick works) ! I am excited to see how well they do hatching the eggs, and raising goslings.

A couple of weeks ago we tried to put two goose eggs under a broody bantam hen (who was roughly the same size and weight as one of the eggs)—she gave it a valiant effort, and was even able to spread her tiny self far enough to cover both eggs, but she couldn’t handle being in a cage on the front porch (aka the milking parlor, feed room, and tack room). The standard hens who have successfully raised broods of chicks here have had to be in a cage on the porch—-too many mishaps possible in the barn or elsewhere. Like the time the black rat snake strangled the hen and ate her dozen, ready-to-hatch-any-day eggs. Or the time the other hens ate the newly hatched chicks (that was a low day, and our estimation of the mental, emotional, and spiritual life of chickens fell considerably). But now that I think of it, the bantams are able to disappear for twenty-one days and come back leading a clutch of tiny chicks, and succeed in keeping most of them alive. (The cats are terrified of the bantams.) So maybe it was understandable that the little hen didn’t want to be in a cage in the middle of all the action; she was probably insulted!

So, needless to say, eggs are on the menu these days. All our bread is egg bread (challah), and I try to eat at least three eggs a day—perfect for my diet.

Oh, and speaking of my diet, I’ve lost 17 lbs. It seems like it’s taking forever, but I feel great and have tons of energy, so I really can’t complain.

Found this on deconsumption; it seems very useful:

1. Where do you live (not just geographically)?
2. What is it that you do?
3. How are your relationships?
4. Are you in right relation with the Earth?
5. Where is your water?
6. Know your garden (and nature around you).
7. Speak your truth; it is time now.
8. Be good to each other.
9. Don’t look outside yourself for the leader.
10. This could be a good time.

I am feeling so much better today—I seem to have gotten myself back together, at least somewhat! I am already looking forward again to having the niece and nephews back, though I think it needs to be one at a time, at least for a little while. When it’s all three of them (or more accurately, the two oldest), their dynamics take up all available energy (and then some); that’s asking a lot of my family for a week at a time! I have to say, my girls were fantastic during the time their cousins were here: they managed to stay very grounded, focused, and loving. Though I found out that ED whispered in the oldest nephew’s ear, during one of his many freakouts, “If you dare do anything to my mom….(trails off menacingly)”. I was shocked to hear that she was frightened for my safety.

The weather today is wonderful—warm, sunny, and breezy. It’s doing wonders for my spirits.

DH is going tomorrow to look at some land for sale—I wil report back as soon as I know something.

Life is looking up a bit today. (Thank goodness!) The sun is out, the jonquils and tulips in the rock garden are in full bloom, my girls are healthy and happy, all’s (mostly) right with the world.

My sister T. and her son, my darling nephew A. were going to come for a short visit starting tomorrow, but we have decided to postpone it until summer, mainly in deference to my precarious mental state right now. I am sorry to be missing their visit, and yet I don’t think I would be able to enjoy it with all that is going on in my mind and life right now. Foremost on my mind is finding a farm. Funny, but the pressure seems to pick up at rent-paying time! DH was ready to move somewhere far away yesterday; land prices here are abnormally bloated, due to tourism—-people from Florida paying elevated prices to put in summer houses. So, for land that we could actually have a farm on (as opposed to a steep, north-facing hillside) we are looking at $10,000/acre. You’d have to make a hell of a lot of goat cheese to pay that mortgage! DH was reading land ads in places like Kentucky and Missouri. Problem is, we love it here. We love the mountains, but more importantly, we love our community here, and we know from experience (we’ve traveled all over, looking for utopia) the sense of community that we feel here is hard to come by! So we feel a little frantic; not sure what to do.

The dance performance last night was great. The weather, though, was horrible—-very cold, very windy, and dumping a rather unattractive mixture of sleet and snow all day. Ick!